July
17, 2019
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When A Mother of
Three Lost Her
Children; Delta Air
Lines, Friends, and
Co-Workers Were
There for Her
– Carolyn V.
Coarsey, Ph.D.
This
month’s
QPR Quick
Quotes article
illustrates the enormous
role that friends,
co-workers, and Delta
Air Lines played in
supporting Karen Perry
when her three young
children died in a
private plane crash.
Karen’s story is a stark
contrast to the story of
another woman in my case
study research whose
friends intended
to support her when
her only son died, but
in their own words, time slipped
away, and within a
few short months this
other bereaved mother
had taken her own life.
Karen’s
Story
Thanksgiving
weekend of 2011, my
inbox flooded with
emails from friends and
colleagues from Delta
Air Lines about a crash
involving the children
of one of their flight
attendants. As the news
broke, I learned that a
fatal crash of a private
aircraft had resulted in
the loss of Karen
Perry's three
children, her
ex-husband, the pilot,
and the one other
passenger on board. I
kept up with the news as
best I could and prayed
for Karen and the other
family members whose
loved ones had perished
in the crash. Having no
formal connection to
Karen, it would be three
years before I could
meet her and hear her
personal
story.
A
colleague at Delta sent
me an email and
suggested that I speak
with Karen as he knew
how much I would want to
hear her story and learn
all that she could share
about what helped her
survive the unimaginable
trauma and loss. With
his introduction, I
spoke with Karen over
the phone and invited
her to present her story
at our upcoming Family
Assistance Foundation
conference scheduled a
few months after our
discussion.
Karen
presented the chronology
of the events of the
crash and shared about
her extraordinary three
angels with humility and
grace.
As she gave
example after example of
the kindness and
generosity of friends,
co-workers, her
employer, as well as
strangers—we fought back
the tears, but our
hearts were brimming
over with admiration and
appreciation for all the
kindness that had played
such a critical role in
Karen’s survival.
Suicide
prevention is
not so much
the stopping
of a
self-inflicted
death as it is
the
restoration of
hope in the
hopeless
before the
fatal planning begins.
-Paul
Quinnett, Ph.D.
Founder
& CEO,
QPR Institute
When
the Family Assistance
Foundation partnered
with the QPR Institute
in 2017 we began
offering workshops aimed
at raising awareness
about the risks and
warning signs of
suicide; I knew
Karen's story would
be an invaluable contribution.
I
have kept in
touch with
Karen since
our first
meeting
and wrote
this article after an
interview I conducted
with her, approximately
seven and a half years
following the death of
her
children.
How
Karen Learned of the
Tragedy
November
23, 2011, a friend of
Karen's drove her
three children to meet
their father for a
twenty-minute flight
from Mesa, AZ to Safford,
AZ. Karen remembers
kissing Morgan, 9;
Logan, 8; and Luke,
6 as they left, and
telling them that she
loved them. Karen had
been ill that day and
had fallen asleep as
soon as they departed.
She awoke within the
hour, realizing that the
children had not called
to announce their safe
arrival. Keeping an
optimistic attitude,
Karen fell back to
sleep, thinking that the
call was just delayed
and would happen
shortly.
When
her childcare provider
called to tell her that
there had been a crash,
Karen wondered why she
was calling her about that.
Taking matters into her
own hands, Karen called
the company who owned
the aircraft. When the
voice on the phone
immediately asked if the
sheriff had been to her
home yet, Karen could no
longer deny the reality
of a crash involving her
children. Despite the
news, Karen was
determined to remain
optimistic. The
situation, however,
became alarming when the
sheriff in a party of
six, including a
chaplain arrived at her
home.
Soon
enough word would arrive
that the crash had
resulted in a total loss
of the aircraft, with no
survivors. While
initially her daughter’s
hand was recovered, due
to the intense fire,
there would be little if
any remains to bury.
Karen’s memory of the
first night is sketchy,
but she does remember
that as news broke, her
home began to fill with
people. While many were
known to her, some were
not part of her social
circle–although Karen
felt that even the
strangers who came to
her home that night
meant well. She
remembers people taping
newspaper over her
windows, as there were
no drapes or curtains to
shield her from curious
onlookers.
The task of
prevention lies
more with those
persons in the
sufferer’s
existing social
network than in
the person
contemplating suicide.
-Paul
Quinnett, Ph.D.
Founder
& CEO,
QPR
Institute
The
Power of Friends,
Co-workers and Delta
Air Lines
My friends just
took over. Before I
knew it, my supervisor
along with
two co-workers were
at my home. Delta
paid for them to
stay in the town
where I lived. Being
in my home meant
they could watch me
24/7 for several
days.
Even
though Karen wished for
her privacy at times,
she knew that she was
fortunate to work for a
company that would do so
much for her. She knew
they really cared about
her well-being and were
there to keep her
company. They also could
help her and her best
friends figure out how
to get through the
funeral and other events
that followed the
tragedy. Karen’s mother
had died several years
before, as had her only
sibling, and her father
was not able to help.
Her co-workers and
friends began to plan
the funeral. It became
obvious that many people
wanted to attend. Karen
remembers hearing
someone say, “Wouldn’t
it be nice if Delta Air
Lines chartered one of
their own airplanes and
brought everyone in who
wants to come to the
funeral?”
Next
thing we knew, Delta
had chartered one of
their own B-757 jets
and flew one hundred
and fifty flight
attendants, in
uniform, to my
children’s
funeral.
Delta
flew the friends and
co-workers in from Los
Angeles, CA, and
then chartered busses to
transport them to the
funeral. The location
for the funeral had to
be moved three times to
accommodate the large
number of people who
were coming. Looking
back, Karen marvels at
what they accomplished
in such a short time.
The crash occurred on
November 23, and the
funeral on December
3rd. While
Karen has little memory
about the services that
day, she has been able
to view the funeral,
because
the entire ceremony
was
videotaped and
now truly appreciates
how special it was.
Karen's
loss would eventually
lead to a formal
foundation where she
could help other
children in her three
children's honor.
The mission started
in 2013, about two years
after the accident. But,
even before then, at the
funeral, she was
thinking of other
children. Attendees of
the funeral were advised
to bring children's
toys instead of sending
flowers. The
toys brought were
donated to a charity
organization that was
making it possible for
children in need to
experience the joy of
Christmas.
The
Next Dilemma that
Karen Faced was Losing
Her
Home
Many people thought
that I received a
large settlement
which was not true.
The aircraft was not
insured well enough
to make that possible.
While
Karen could have filed a
lawsuit, she did not
feel this was the right
action for her to take
at that time. Karen knew
she needed her energy
for her emotional
survival.
Within
three months after the
death of her children,
Karen found that she
could not hold on to her
home. As with much of
Karen's story, this
too made national news.
Again, Karen was amazed
at the outpouring of
love and compassion from
people who heard of her
plight. She received
cards and letters of
support, often with
money enclosed. While a
realtor friend helped
all she could, Karen was
finally forced to
short-sell her home and
move out.
Not
wanting to part with her
children's
belongings, and unable
to sort through them at
the time, Karen’s
friends came through
again. A moving company
donated boxes and the
moving van moved
her's and the
children's
belongings. Their toys
and all that was in
their rooms went into
storage, where most
remains today. Karen
slowly works through the
boxes, deciding what to
keep and what to give
away.
Actor
and comedian, David
Spade, who has a
connection to Phoenix,
AZ learned of her story
and donated ten thousand
dollars to help her.
This donation allowed
Karen to secure a place
to live for the next
twelve months.
Making
A New
Life
Flight
Attendants that Karen
worked with had given
her another gift that
was life-sustaining at
the time her children
died. Donating vacation
days, she was able to
take a full year off to
rest, grieve, and decide
what she wanted to do
next. After only six
months, Karen decided
that going back to
flying would be healthy
for her. On her first
layover in Tokyo, Karen
met a Delta Air Lines
captain named Gordon. As
they talked, Gordon,
also from the Phoenix
area, realized that the
Karen he was speaking
with was the flight
attendant whose tragic
story had been in the
news.
He
surprised her when he
said, “I don’t know what
to say to you, right
now.” Karen, accustomed
to hearing platitudes
from well-meaning people
who tried to make her
feel better appreciated
his honesty and
humility. “Then,
don't say anything.
Just give me a
hug," she
responded. And with
that, a beautiful
friendship that would
later blossom into
romance was born. Later,
Karen and Gordon married
and today make
their home in Gold
Canyon, AZ.
3
Wings of
Life
My
Children were my
whole life. When
they died, I was
left with a hole in
my heart…my life. I
wondered what I was
supposed to learn
from this
experience. And now
what would I do with
my
life?
A
couple of years before
the crash, Karen’s best
friend Eva, told her
about a vision she had
of a place for hope and
healing for children. At
that time, Karen said to
her that while she
thought it was a great
idea, she had no energy
for anything other than
supporting and raising
her three children.
After the crash, this
memory came back to
Karen. She realized that
while she did not have a
lot of money, she did
have the time to do
something meaningful to
help other
children.
With
the help of others,
Karen formed a board of
directors and received
the 501c-3 charitable
status for her
foundation. While
initially, the charity
offered hot meals
and a place for
neighborhood children to
play and interact in a
safe environment,
Karen's dream of
providing Equine Therapy
eventually became a
reality. Today
Karen's foundation
offers programs under
the Equine Assisted
Growth and Learning
Association (EAGALA).
Karen's foundation
owns three horses and
serves families in the
geographical area where
she lives.
Perspective
In
the beautiful book,
Angels
Three, The Karen
Perry Story,
Karen tells her
story through author,
Landon J. Napoleon. The
book details Karen’s
life, including details
of her beginnings and
about the birth and life
of her children—in
addition to details of
the crash, the
investigation and other
facts that provide a
comprehensive account of
the tragedy.
Looking
back, Karen finds it
ironic that her children
died in an aviation
accident, in the
Superstition Mountain
range, just behind her
home.
One of Karen’s
greatest loves, in
addition to that of
motherhood, was
aviation.
Karen had earned
her commercial pilot’s
credentials and looked
forward to maintaining
them. Following the
birth of her children,
this was not possible.
Her love for aviation
has never waned; thus
her career continues as
of this writing, as a
Delta Air Lines Flight
Attendant.
Despite
this irony, it is clear
that aviation and her
community did not let
her down. When Karen was
helpless and dependent
on those around her for
support, compassion and
understanding—her
friends, co-workers, and
the leadership team at
Delta Air Lines came
through. Having
personally experienced
the power of support
from others during such
dire circumstances not
only helped save Karen
at the time, it formed
the basis of her work
today. The model of
giving, supporting and
helping others has
become her life’s
mission.
Karen’s
children come to her
in her dreams as one
of the constant
reminders that they
are with her in
spirit. It is a
privilege for us at
the Foundation to be
allowed to share her
story. As it provides
a perfect example of
what support from
friends, co-workers,
and a compassionate
corporation can do to
save a life in the
aftermath of
unspeakable loss.
